Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Caught in Action

I've recorded some videos of Baby Evan's movements. He's just so adorable. Mommy loves you !

Saturday, August 28, 2010

Not feeling good about myself, at all...

I've been so very..... EXTREMELY sensitive with/about my body lately. Any little comment people make about me, gets me thinking about it all day. I feel huge, I'm getting fat/big, and that's a fact. I can't color my hair, or do anything that would make myself feel good. I feel like a lot like CRAP... I mean it.

My grandmother made a bad comment about me yesterday. She said my "nose" isn't very nice, and that my legs are fat. Oh my goodness, I really don't need her to shove any of that crap in my face at this time ! I feel TERRIBLE. I' am capable of watching my weight and staying thin, however this is not the time for me to do that (being pregnant). It's not like I've chosen to become fat, I have NO CHOICE. That's how my body works, I gain weight REALLY REALLY easy. I mean, now that I have to eat right (more than I normally eat before), it's much easier for FAT to take over my body. Right now my top priority is my son and his health, so even though I'm EXTREMELY afraid of this weight gain and getting fat, it doesn't compare to what my son needs. I know she meant no harm... after all she was only stating the truth, but I just sometimes wonder why my family has to be oh so judgmental... ugly this, ugly that... this person is pretty, this person is ugly blah blah. I love them, but I'm so sick of it... I seriously have had enough of the crap people have to say about me. Why is it just so hard to understand that a pregnant body is different from a non-pregnant body ?!

It's a shame that I'm not comfortable under my own skin, around my family. If I can't feel comfortable around them, who else can I go to ? I feel like I have no one to turn to who would seriously understand how tough it is for me to face this struggle. It was HARD for me to lose the weight as a teen, I was afraid to ever gain that weight back. I told myself I'd never let it happen again, however I have to leave that aside at this point. It's really tough for me. People just don't get it. My family are all fairly thin, they will never understand how it is to be the "bigger one". I do share some of these thoughts to some of my family, but they seem to take it "lightly". I don't want to keep this bottled up, but it seems to me that no one really understand, and so I'm sick of letting it out to people. I'm so scared, I don't want to have to go through post-partrum depression...

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

A Promise ♥

I grew up in an awkward, uptight family. There were a lot of arguments and disagreements in the family. My parents divorced when I was seven. I was really heartbroken, until this day. there's still a scar in me that can never be healed. The image of that day, will never be erased from my memory. I believe things like that can take a toll on the child's life. The road of life would be so much harder for the child. That is why, I will never, ever under ANY circumstances do anything that stupid, to hurt my child. I love my son with all my heart and soul. He's a human being that's growing inside of me, he's my responsibility. He's my LIFE ♥

29 weeks and 3 days pregnant with baby Matthew Vu.

Friday, August 20, 2010

No Good Appointment

So I went in for my regular 2 week check up a couple days ago (at 28 weeks). Nothing went well for me. The weigh in had me so upset. I gained 5 pounds in 2 weeks dude ! Argh. My previous check up was early in the morning when I had nothing to eat, this one was late afternoon so I had quite a bit to eat, maybe that was a factor but I don't think the food made me gain 5 lbs ;( . All my future check ups will be in the after noon, which means my weight will be a tad higher from food, gah ! I guess I'll just eat something light for the appointment days. Anyways, the doctor FORGOT to measure my fundal height, also the way he answered my questions was oh so careless.

I do NOT like the fact that all my appointments will be in the afternoon, I'd so love to have my morning appointments back. Now everything I need to do during the day has to be pushed off because of the appointment being in the middle of the day, so inconvenient !

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Third Trimester Pains

So I turned 28 weeks on Saturday, which means I'm now in my third trimester, wo-hoo. I'm feeling quite tired as I type this. Yesterday I went to help out my sister in law at the nail salon, I did about 7 pedicures. I came home with severe joint/muscle pain all over my body. I couldn't even move, nor could I sleep, that's how bad it was... luckily it's getting better today. I just hope these body aches won't stick around forever.

I love my Evan so much, I can't wait to meet him, I already feel much love for him. This little guy is my sunshine.