32 Week Dr Visit

Baby Evan's been measuring two weeks behind at every visit. Yesterday, at my appointment, the Dr said he'd be a small baby, ugh he has his daddy's genes all right. I also got to see the dietitian, not that I WANTED to, the nurse kept asking me at every visit if I've seen her, and that it's mandatory. So, I gave in... although I know everything she'd tell me. Let me tell you, she was one rude bitch. As soon as I got in her office, she goes "What can I help you with?" with a totally blank face. Um, hello.. I'm "supposed" to see you.. aren't you supposed to tell me what you think I should know. I was blank, so I pretended not to know, and asked "I need help on constipation". The rude girl, decided to act like I was wasting her time or something, and rushed through everything in a VERY annoying way, nope... she didn't even HIDE it. She asked if I exercise.. I said not really. She said "So, you sit all day?" I said yes, (I kind of do). She widened her eyes and said, you need to do some walking. I laughed and jokingly said it's too hot. She goes "UHH.. it's not even hot out today" DUDE, it was 80 degrees, considering I'M THE PREGNANT ONE, it's REALLY HOT. And please, I've thought of walking, but try living in a bad neighborhood like me... you wouldn't even dare to.

32 Weeks, 8 Months

EIGHT whole months. Wow, I can't believe I'm already this far along, it does seem like forever though. Two more months until' I have this amazing child of mine. I'm going to be a mommy, he's going to be a daddy, WOW. I'm really not a kid anymore, now it's time for me to take care of MY OWN kid. I'm so excited, I can hardly wait. I wonder how much he weigh right now... or how big he is.

Week 31

I can't believe it, I'll be 8 months next week ! Two more months until I get to meet my amazing little guy. I love him so much, I feel such a bond with him already. My belly feels harder these days, and his head has been down, so that's good !

Last night my 15 year old niece in law had her ear against my belly, my boy thinking he's the boss already kicked her in the face ! So cute, haha. He actually did the same thing to his dad last week. He was probably thinking "Hey, this is my spot, get off !" I love my boy.

30 Week Appointment

Yesterday was my 30th week check up at the hospital. Turned out I've lost 2 lbs in two weeks, (my weight changes through out the day so not sure if it matters) I guess it tapered off from gaining too much the last time. Baby Evan kicked the doctor, so cute :) The only thing that annoyed me was that I had to wait in the waiting room for 30 minutes+ to make an appointment, it turned out I could have went home because the nurse had already set up my appointment ahead of time at the last check up. Everything else is good, the doctor did mention the baby's measuring 2 weeks behind, hope the little guy is healthy !

♥ 30 weeks 5 days pregnant with baby Matthew.

Caught in Action

I've recorded some videos of Baby Evan's movements. He's just so adorable. Mommy loves you !

Not feeling good about myself, at all...

I've been so very..... EXTREMELY sensitive with/about my body lately. Any little comment people make about me, gets me thinking about it all day. I feel huge, I'm getting fat/big, and that's a fact. I can't color my hair, or do anything that would make myself feel good. I feel like a lot like CRAP... I mean it.

My grandmother made a bad comment about me yesterday. She said my "nose" isn't very nice, and that my legs are fat. Oh my goodness, I really don't need her to shove any of that crap in my face at this time ! I feel TERRIBLE. I' am capable of watching my weight and staying thin, however this is not the time for me to do that (being pregnant). It's not like I've chosen to become fat, I have NO CHOICE. That's how my body works, I gain weight REALLY REALLY easy. I mean, now that I have to eat right (more than I normally eat before), it's much easier for FAT to take over my body. Right now my top priority is my son and his health, so even though I'm EXTREMELY afraid of this weight gain and getting fat, it doesn't compare to what my son needs. I know she meant no harm... after all she was only stating the truth, but I just sometimes wonder why my family has to be oh so judgmental... ugly this, ugly that... this person is pretty, this person is ugly blah blah. I love them, but I'm so sick of it... I seriously have had enough of the crap people have to say about me. Why is it just so hard to understand that a pregnant body is different from a non-pregnant body ?!

It's a shame that I'm not comfortable under my own skin, around my family. If I can't feel comfortable around them, who else can I go to ? I feel like I have no one to turn to who would seriously understand how tough it is for me to face this struggle. It was HARD for me to lose the weight as a teen, I was afraid to ever gain that weight back. I told myself I'd never let it happen again, however I have to leave that aside at this point. It's really tough for me. People just don't get it. My family are all fairly thin, they will never understand how it is to be the "bigger one". I do share some of these thoughts to some of my family, but they seem to take it "lightly". I don't want to keep this bottled up, but it seems to me that no one really understand, and so I'm sick of letting it out to people. I'm so scared, I don't want to have to go through post-partrum depression...

A Promise ♥

I grew up in an awkward, uptight family. There were a lot of arguments and disagreements in the family. My parents divorced when I was seven. I was really heartbroken, until this day. there's still a scar in me that can never be healed. The image of that day, will never be erased from my memory. I believe things like that can take a toll on the child's life. The road of life would be so much harder for the child. That is why, I will never, ever under ANY circumstances do anything that stupid, to hurt my child. I love my son with all my heart and soul. He's a human being that's growing inside of me, he's my responsibility. He's my LIFE ♥

29 weeks and 3 days pregnant with baby Matthew Vu.